First Daughter

Mr. Cranky gives a scathing review of First Daughter:

You know that impending terrorist attack they’ve been warning us about? I think this movie may be it. If I were the real U.S. President and saw this movie, I would immediately surround Hollywood with an invasion force and stop at nothing until director Forest Whitaker had been tracked down and dug out of his spider hole.

“First Daughter” is so bad, it may actually one day become a cult favorite, a centerpiece of midnight showings where drunken, rowdy homosexuals gather to dress up like the characters, recite the lines in unison, and throw condoms at the screen whenever first daughter Samantha (Katie Holmes) and love interest James (Marc Blucas) come together to exchange strained romantic platitudes.

After this movie is over, you’ll know what muscles you use to cringe, because they’ll be sore by the time the final credits roll. Though she’s the daughter of the U.S. President (Michael Keaton), Samantha just wants to go to college and be a “normal girl.” You know how to wrap up these “princess just wants to be normal” movies in about 30 seconds? Put princess in a Wal-Mart uniform on the graveyard shift and take away her health care benefits. Since this is Hollywood, however, and not heaven, that doesn’t happen here. Samantha’s journey of self-discovery entails a mind-numbing procession of staged “spontaneous” collegiate moments. One example: At James’s urging, she eats popcorn and chocolate candies — TOGETHER! “It’s disgusting; I like it!” she enthuses as the audience, of course, cringes.

Ouch. Marcy mentioned the other night that she wishes that Katie Holmes would play a different kind of character than the one she’s been playing all her life. She does have a bad habit of playing a near clone of her character on Dawson’s Creek. It must be frustrating to always act the same way. Either that or she’s too lazy to find new roles.

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